Category: Uncategorized

Over the weekend, my partner and I talked about having another baby. For us, right now is an exceptionally difficult time to intentionally disrupt the balance. But talking through future plans drew my attention to the notion of control. That is, what we are and aren’t in control of. Deepak Chopra, whose many books I’ve […]

I CELEBRATE myself, and sing myself, And what I assume you shall assume, For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you. I loafe and invite my soul, I lean and loafe at my ease observing a spear of summer grass. My tongue, every atom of my blood, form’d from this soil, this air, Born […]

A week ago, a childhood friend of mine passed away inexplicably. Apart from the obvious fact that I am mourning him, and grieving for our nice memories, and suffering for his family, I am also reliving some other recent and very painful grief of my own. My friend who passed was the same age my […]

It was a brilliant spring morning, the kind where the air is chilled and smells of snow, but the sun is intense. The inches-thick ice in my driveway was running with water. Measuring each step, I swung open the weathered wooden gate out back to let a little rental car in, trusting that it wouldn’t […]

There is great comfort in realizing you are no more nor less than any of the threads in the great tapestry of life, that you are thus, in fact, the tapestry itself, depending where you put your eyes. Emily Dickinson wrote The Drop, that wrestles in the Sea – Forgets her own locality – As […]

Last weekend I sat with my head in a sink for five hours. I watched the door. Lots of smiling people were coming in and out of it, their bodies momentarily illuminated completely white as they passed through the sunlit entryway. I couldn’t hear what they were saying. It was the first warm day after […]

I attended a wedding over the long weekend. Like many others, this wedding had its trappings both traditional and unique. What was special for me as a spectator, was that it was the first wedding I’ve attended since my own. Mine was years ago, and like a fairy tale; it was far more beautiful than I could […]

I may never forget the first Valentine’s Day after my husband died. He and I never really made a huge deal out of the holiday. It was just another reason to be glad we had found each other, in a sea of other people. But after he was gone, Valentine’s Day was glaringly noticeable. When hedonistic love […]

I read an article by Kathryn Schulz (When Things Go Missing) in The New Yorker today that reminded me that, for one thing, I am not a great writer, and that, nevertheless, I have a story to tell. After my husband died, I struggled with PTSD and complicated grief which, among other symptoms, left me in […]

Yesterday, through a trick of acoustics, I thought I heard the baby crawling in the kitchen. The kitchen features a door that leads to the basement stairs, and we keep the door open there, so that the dog can go down at her leisure and access her bowl and things there. So when I thought […]